Chargers at Chiefs - Week 4 - Record: 1-3

I think CBS Sports is trying to murder me. At one point in the game today the telecast showed that the Chiefs were No. 1 in offense in the entire NFL. I don't know about you but my laughter just about killed me. Arrest those guys for assault and battery!

But then I looked at each game and it makes perfect sense.

Atlanta: We play great in the first half piling up lots of offense keeping up with a very good team, then in an instant we're down by a ton at which point we can get tons more offense during garbage time.

Buffalo: We get down 28-3 so there's lots of time for great gobs of garbage-time offensive production.

New Orleans: We keep the Saints within striking distance when for the last quarter-and-a-half our offense explodes, part of it a blazing 91-yard TD run from Jamaal.

San Diego: We move down the field only to cough up the ball a bunch of times allowing the Chargers to run away with it early. Lots of garbage-time offense to get today.

Yeah, I'd bet after this one we still have the best offense in the NFL yardage-wise, and yes, my sides still hurt from the laughter I'm still experiencing.

I mean, here's why it is so hilarious.

We have not led any game at any point during the course of any game this season.

Sure we won the Saints game, but that was only at the very end with an overtime field goal.

Let's just face it, we just haven't had it in us to be in games. We have talented players out there, but too often we're messed up somehow, or just playing flat -- I mean our offense had to come alive again in the second half when it was just too little too late. Jamaal Charles was beast again, but he fumbled twice to contribute to the six turnovers we had on the day. I wonder how many times in history a team has won while turning it over six times. I don't think it has been very often, if ever.

That point about just being too messed up too often needs some comment. I'm just watching our offensive line wilt when they could be doing great, which they do often enough. I'm watching our defense have critical breakdowns at inopportune times, when they have quite often shined so brightly. I'm watching our pass rush have nothing in them to start games, but then wear down opponents later -- when it's pretty much over.

And the most messed up thing of all, I'm still watching Matt Cassel out there.

I'm just beside myself wondering why Pioli and Crennel don't just get with it and put Quinn in there knowing that Cassel will never get us anywhere. Sure Quinn may suck, but we'd never know unless we try. Sure there may even be a 97% chance he'll suck, but there's a 99.999999% chance Cassel will never get us to the promised land. Or even try Stanzi. Or Alex Tanney Trick Shot Quarterback -- please, I'm really not making fun.

Every week I see the quarterback on the other team and just get really, really jealous. Last week it was Drew Brees, today it was Philip Rivers, next week it's ::massive gulp:: Joe Flacco.

It is mind-numbing how much I want other teams and their fans preparing to face our quarterback to feel what all of us Chiefs fans have to feel just about every week. That those Chiefs have got that one guy they drafted high and developed skillfully and that no matter what happens those Chiefs will be in that game because that guy is talented and resourceful and will get it done.

Just to add to the misery, do you know how many times in history any other fan has indeed had to sweat through the week because their team was about to have to face our studly drafted and developed quarterback? Do you know how many times that has happened, EVER?

Zero, that's how many. Zero, zero, zero, for all of infinity through the past of anything Chiefs or pro football or anything. The cruel truth is here, in The Quarterback Project, something I've showcased for months now.

I mean my goodness, if we had that guy with this team? Can't you just see it? We have good players out there! But that one guy who has got to matriculate that ball down the field when all else seems lost is himself lost, and no amount of fine play from everyone else is going to make that any different. Please, I've said it a million times before, I like Matt Cassel because he's a gamer and sometimes he is surprisingly resourceful, but the fact is he's just not very good. I'm convinced this is something just about every Chiefs fan discovered long ago.

In fact during today's telecast it was mentioned that in the off-season Cassel did indeed spend a lot of time with some hifalutin quarterback skills guru, the same one Tom Brady and other top passers see -- please, be gentle, ahem, you know, my laughter reflexes, very sensitive right now...

Come on, Scott, Romeo, even Clark -- can't you get this: you just aren't going to be able to wave a magic wand over him and make him any better. Stop being fooled by the Chiefs No. 1 ranked garbage-time offense and let's just try something else until we can maybe, perhaps, splendidly get that position to draft and develop the guy. (Oh that we'd have kept Kyle Orton who was another one we could've at least tried -- ergh, sorry, still just thinking, pointless now, but still...)

Well, just a personal heads-up. I'm getting the chance to go to the game next week against Baltimore. I'm attending a conference that is in Kansas City and have a chance to be at the New Arrowhead on Sunday! So my blog next week will certainly include some about my experience. I won't be posting until Monday or at least shortly after that depending on how recovered I am from the whirlwind weekend.

Looking forward to cheering on Our Boys with all the local Chiefs fans there!
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Chiefs at Saints - Week 3 - Record: 1-2

My nefarious desire to see the Chiefs finish 0-16 was unceremoniously obliterated today, and the main culprits were:

- Jamaal Charles.

- The offensive line and its second half pass protection.

- Justin Houston.

- A rabidly reinvigorated defense in the second half.

- Ryan Succop.

- Our leaping and lunging receivers. (So dedicated that Dexter McCluster went out after one such grab.)

- (Gulp) Matt Cassel (but only because of his grittiness)

I do want people to read my blog, but after last week's post I thought, "Hmm, I wonder if readers think I really don't want the Chiefs to win. What a puke." Well, yeah, I guess no amount of explanation can effectively convey what it would take for us to satisfy our exceedingly desperate need for a fine drafted and developed quarterback.

But I never, ever root against the Chiefs. And today was a splendid example of why a Chiefs fan should be proud of this team. For even though I'd really really really really really like to be waaaaaaaaaaay in the mix of winning this year's version of the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes, it's a good thing Chiefs players, coaches, and whoever else actually gets out there and does the Chiefs playing aren't reading my blog.

They still want to win.

And today they simply wouldn't be denied.

It was 24-6 late in the third quarter. Even with visions of 0-16 still dancing in my head I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed, for all the obviously typical reasons. Here we were with still no touchdown scored -- typical. While Drew Brees was busy throwing his typical laser strikes, Matt Cassel was throwing his typical ducks -- yet another game we get to be jealous of another team's quarterback. Our vaunted off-season pick-up Peyton Hillis dropped a pass and then vanished forever -- with no word on what happened: injury? And the injuries -- our good-looking new center went down bad, McCluster with the shoulder thing again -- erghh.

All that typical Chiefs pukiness... Until we showed that we just wouldn't be denied.

And ya know? It's not enough to not give up.

Ya know?...

We actually started looking really good.

Was it the Saints just looking bad? I mean yeah, the Saints defense is just not very good. And their receivers were dropping balls -- I think Jimmy Graham had two right in his hands. And they do seem to be aimless out there, suffering from the effects of the whole head-hunting penalty thing.

But you can't deny that we were making clutch plays left and right and just not stopping doing that. For an entire quarter and some change, we looked like a good, healthy, never-say-die team!

The gutsy fourth-and-one call to get a first down when our defense was really playing well anyway. Cassel about to bungle it again in the backfield when he couldn't find a receiver but then resourcefully curling back around and finding Jon Baldwin for that clutch first down on 3rd-and-10. Justin Houston just mowing down Saints linemen to really mess with Brees. And that incredible downed-punt where the Chiefs cover guy Jalil Brown leapt into the end zone to drop the ball on the Saints 4 yard line. You could just hear the wind being taken out of the Superdome crowd at that point.

Yes, we still only got one touchdown -- a thing-of-beauty Chiefs-record 91-yard burst from Charles. And I'm still going to be screaming for Brady Quinn or Ricky Stanzi or anybody for cryin' out loud if Cassel keeps refusing to find his targets.

But wow. We have a fine running back. We have fine wide receivers. We can have an effective offensive line. We have a resiliant pass rush. We have tenacious D-backs. We have a kicker who was right-down-the-middle on every field goal he tried today, a Chiefs record six altogether.

So today, nothing but good things for this thrilling affair. Sure there'll be another game when I can get back to justifiably shredding bad Chiefs things, but today, it's all good.
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Chiefs at Bills - Week 2 - Record: 0-2

In the seven years I've been writing this blog, today's game was only the second game I've missed due to a distant travel commitment to see my brother back east. The funny thing is that the other time I missed the game was last time I'd gone out to see my brother back east.

And both times the Chiefs got shellacked by the Bills.

That last time it was in November of 2008. Tyler Thigpen was our quarterback, and the shellacking was so thorough that we made it a 54-31 game on the strength of a Dwayne Bowe touchdown catch from, ahem, Quinn Gray. Now, just to tell you how pathetic that is, after looking up that game just now to see what the score was for this blog post, that was the first time I'd ever heard of Quinn Gray. I'd never heard of him before.

I'm about as passionate a Chiefs fan as there is (who albeit is committed to earnest sports celibacy), but I'd never ever known of a Quinn Gray taking a snap in a Chiefs uniform. (Wonder if there is any relation to Brady... eh.)

Today we got pasted again by the Bills, just a repeat of last year's debacle to them early in the year. They had 21 points on the board before you could blink, and since I did not see the game I really can't say anything about it. I did happen to catch the running scores on the flight home today because of the ticker at the bottom of the screen on the TV set in front of me at my seat.

A couple things to note, however. All the funness about quarterbacks above ain't no fun now. But hey, I'll yet again refer you to The Quarterback Project for the excruciatingly ugly outlook for our Chiefs. Sure Matt Cassel had a decent stats day during garbage time in today's game, but, well, yeah: The Quarterback Project.

The other thing is something that came up at the very end of the Giants-Buccaneers game that happened to be on the TV during the flight this morning. It was something that was troublesome in the Super Bowl, and the Giants offense was involved then too.

It is that situation in which the offense has the ball waaaay deep in the opponent's territory, about a minute left, tie game, and all the offense has to do is let the clock wind down to one second, call timeout, then boot in the game-winning field goal. But they do have to run a play. With 30 seconds left the Giants ran the ball and the Buccaneers defense, much like the Patriots' in the Super Bowl, just wilted.

Deliberately.

"Go ahead and score," then essentially said. Hey, at least they tried to look like the brave, valiant matadors that they were.

At first glance you'd think, that's just so crappy. The integrity of the game. The honor. Play hard all the time -- come on. I even thought that right now the NFL has got to be devising some rule change to keep that from happening.

Now in case you don't get why the defense does this, it is because the touchdown stops the clock and allows them to have the ball back, giving their offense at least a little time to actually get down the field and tie the score themselves. It's a long shot, but at least they have a chance.

On the other hand, if the defense works real hard and succeeds in keeping the offense out of the end zone, that offense would still have that second on the clock to kick the field goal to win it, which in the NFL is something like a 99.99993819% certainty.

The reason I bring all this up is because I concur with those expressing disgust over this practice, trust me, I really do, but ya know?

If that's what ya gotta do...

Which leads me to the Chiefs.

As much as it pains me to say this, can we just do the matador strategy this year? For the whole season? Pleeeeaze???

I really don't think we have a bad team (today's game of which I know little notwithstanding). But can we use whatever goodness we have and pretend to work real hard to win games, yet finish with an 0-16 season? I mean it'd be nice if we'd win a game or two, but I just flat out don't want to win a single game to threaten our chances to get the No. 1 pick in the draft and be the winner of the Matt Barkley (or whichever college superstud it is we need to get at quarterback) Sweepstakes.

Last year it looked like we'd be in prime position to get Andrew Luck, starting very very very abysmally. But then we foolishly went off and won a bunch of games to finish mediocre again, ensuring we'd get Dontari Poe.

Great. Guh-rate.

Yes, I am serious, and yes, I think it does do a little to compromise the integrity of the game. But just like those teams playing obvious matador defenses at the end of games to their obvious advantage, why shouldn't we? Really?

Again, just like I shared last year, I'd love it if we win, but let's be about as candidly up-front as we can. It's getting more and more frustrating to watch us win a few times a year, stay mediocre with a pathetically mediocre quarterback, and never, ever have the chance to draft and develop a field general who will win the war for us.

So yeah. It's all there.

Quarterback Project, baby.
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Falcons at Chiefs - Week 1 - Record: 0-1

There is a reason I am "sports celibate," watching-seeing-reading-hearing nothing about any Chiefs things except at game time. I did not know that we were without Tamba Hali, Brandon Flowers, Kendrick Lewis, and Jalil Brown until the game started. At that moment I knew we were dust, because I do happen to know a little bit about the Falcons, namely that they have probably the best wide receiver tandem in the NFL. And they have a still-very-good Tony G.

Sure enough Matt Ryan and the Falcons carved us up like the juiciest, tenderest roast beast.

The reason I mention the sports celibacy is because if I'd known, say, five days ago that we would have soft butter spread for a defensive backfield, that's five days I'd be going crazy knowing we were to be served up for dinner Sunday. That's five days of agony that, blessed be, I got to do without.

Oh glorious sports celibacy.

As it is we've lost yet another opening day game, and for the second year in a row getting pasted at Arrowhead. The last Chiefs opener I watched before I quite joyfully commenced my sports celibacy program was that Sunday night splendor of a win against Oakland in 1998. The image I have in my head about that game is of Derrick Thomas making stew of Raiders QB Jeff George. The joy.

Thing is, since that game we've won a total of four opening day games. Know what they were? '02, that weird ending game against the Browns, '03 (starting with San Diego) when our very good offense blasted us out to a 9-0 start, '05 (against the Jets) when we finished as a very strong 10-6 team but barely missed the playoffs, and in '10 with that nifty Monday night win against the Chargers.

Other than those, utter dreck. Today was the tenth Chiefs loss on opening day in that last 14. We just can't be ready for an opener.

And the main reason today was that the other team was just better than we were. Yes, the D-backfield situation was a killer. But I could also mention our extraordinarily poor offensive line play in the second half. Or the abject failure of our pass rush to put any pressure on their QB. Or just how much quicker the Falcons were in every aspect of the game. Or even how yet again we have to suffer through another field goal attempt bonking off the upright. This is such a curse that it was after that when our entire effort today completely imploded, did you notice that?

But that main thing is something that the announcers mentioned about halfway through the 4th quarter. It was as if they were reading the words from The Quarterback Project right off the computer screen.

They merely pointed out that the Chiefs just flat-out don't have the quarterback.

At the beginning of the game they asked the question everyone was asking. Which Matt Cassel will show up? In the first half it really did look like Cassel had done his duty and in the off-season enthusiastically attended the Bill Walsh School of Acquiring Reasonably Decent Pro Football Quarterbacking Skills. But in the second half it looked like he spent the summer layin' on a beach in Tahiti.

I'm not going to regale you will all the frightening details I've shared in The Quarterback Project. The thing that was funny was that the announcers mentioned the Chiefs have gone the longest among all NFL teams without drafting a quarterback in the first round. The last one was Todd Blackledge, of course, back in '83. Yet really, let's be honest, this is mostly just because we've never, ever had any luck at being in that one perfect drafting position to get that one guy that is just the right fit for us. It has been just wretched, it really has been.

Meanwhile, the Redskins were busy taking it to the Saints in the upset of the day, led by this Robert Griffin III fellow, who, well, ::sigh:: is not on the Chiefs.
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