In fact, in all honesty, I see very few -- even among the heartiest of Chiefs fans -- who really want to get into the ugliness. I see very little about The Curse Against the Chiefs. And what I do see out there even remotely related is whimsical plap or passing references to some silly consideration of a curse. I'm sorry but I don't believe all those who chortle at the Bobby Layne curse that has afflicted the Lions do so without some stirring in their souls that the thing is actually real.
Well here you're getting the full breadth of consideration about how insane The Curse is in actuality by simply going deep into how many times stupid things have happened to the Chiefs in the playoffs. Before I get into the actual details of the game before us this Saturday, I am going to share with you those things, here -- yes, right now. I do this for all those who incessantly bleat, "Nah, get outta here with your 'curse' talk, it's just the way things go," or "it's just a matter of who plays best," or "it's just a game, let it go." Again, this post is not for you. Please, save yourselves the next five minutes and go do something more worthwhile, that's fine.
But for those of us devoted Chiefs fans who just know, this is for you.
On January 11, 1970, the Kansas City Chiefs defeated the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IV. While all the pundits screeched that the Vikings would roll over the Chiefs, it is now firmly considered by all that the Chiefs were the better team at just about every level of the game. They clearly deserved to win the game, and did so convincingly. The Chiefs closed out a decade in which they and their coach Hank Stram introduced some of the most innovative football both on and off the field.
When they game was over, the AFL was over, because it was then going to be merged with the NFL to form two conferences, the AFC and NFC, comprising one National Football League.
This was when the agony of Chiefs football success, or severe lack therein, was to begin. Somehow, someway, something happened to annihilate the Chiefs postseason prospects for every single year since -- a ruthlessly grotesque legacy lasting 43 years all the way to the present day. If you'll allow me, I present to you the unsightly details -- don't worry, I'm not going to get into everything, just the impossibly stupid things that happened over and over and over again. Yes, you'll see that in every single game, every one, all 15 of them, there were truly, palpably, identifiably stupid things happening to the Chiefs, in every single one. I'll tell you about many of them, right here.
Yet again, it won't be pretty, but this is all therapy anyway. Chiefs fans' grief counseling, as it were. Let's begin the group session, shall we?
1971 Dolphins. This would take a book, and it was a book actually that introduced me to probably the stupidest thing of all in this game, something I hadn't known about until I'd read Michael MacCambridge's America's Game just a couple of years ago. Great book about the modern NFL, and as a Chiefs fan himself he had a lot of great Chiefs stuff in there.
Of course this was one item that was particularly painful: the messed-up field goal. Long snapper Bobby Bell was supposed to snap the ball to Jan Stenarud so he could run for the 1st down, but Stenarud and holder Len Dawson sold it so well that Bell was fooled and thought they didn't get the call. Bell snapped it to Dawson, surprising both Stenarud and Dawson. Whupp-yupp-eeupp... Missed field goal.
I could go on about the other missed field goals, Ed Podolak's courageously awesome day all for naught, any of a dozen different ridiculous things... ::Sigh::
1986 Jets. You'd think this wasn't that stupid, since we were beaten so badly. It was just us being bad. Probably the most crushing stupid thing of this game was that this game, ladies and gentlemen, this game was Todd Blackledge's one and only playoff game. Those other five quarterbacks taken in the first round of that classic 1983 draft? You know, the John Elways and Jim Kellys and Dan Marinos -- a total of 63 postseason games among them. 34 wins in that mix. 11 Super Bowl appearances. The whole Blackledge thing is probably Stupid Thing Number One in all of this.
One of the stupid things related to that was that one of those quarterbacks in that draft, Ken O'Brien of the Jets, was unable to play in this playoff game. So he was replaced by Pat Ryan. Now, Todd Blackledge, 7th pick overall, Pat Ryan, 281st pick (1978). Blackledge-Ryan, Ryan-Blackledge. Well, of course, Ryan torched us, throwing for three TD's, even once running for a first down from a fake field goal. Because of this Freeman McNeil, who was pretty good, I agree, was able to run for 135 yards.
And please, our defense was not poor. Remember this was when we had that fantastic secondary of Deron Cherry, Albert Lewis, et al, and we also still had Bill Maas and Art Still on the defensive line.
1990 Dolphins. Steve DeBerg was having a career year. Christian Okoye was running over everyone. Our defense was one of the best in the NFL. But...
We were ahead 16-3 in the 4th quarter after a regular season in which we allowed two touchdowns in any single quarter only twice all season long. Erghkkk... On one touchdown pass Marino throws, Albert Lewis misses the pick-six by about 19 picometers. Errrrrghhckk...
We get a good drive going with about a minute left, down 17-16, and Christian Okoye rumbles deep into Dolphin territory setting up super-accurate Nick Lowery for that easy game-winning FG. Except, holding penalty on Dave Szott. Seems like the most untimely penalties is a theme of inane stupidness afflicting the postseason Chiefs, ever notice? In the '71 game Larry Czonka can rumble for great yardage in OT to get his team's game-winning FG, and we should return the favor, right? Ahem.
Anyway, Lowery simply can't hit the long 50+ yarder to win it, so... um... yeah.
1991 Raiders. Don't think our playoff wins didn't have really stupid things in them? Even though we beat the Raiders -- (Yay!) In the playoffs! (Yay yay!) -- we barely beat them, and they had a raw, unproven, inexperienced, and eventually complete bust quarterback Todd Marinovich running their offense. The touchdown we scored would not have been allowed with current NFL rules -- Fred Jones caught the only touchdown and was pushed out of bounds before he could get his feet down in the end zone. And Nick Lowery missed two field goals. Huh. The field goal stupidity. Seems like that's kiiind-of a theme here, too.
1991 Bills. Our vaunted run offense generated a grand total of 77 rushing yards. The "FROHZEN TUNNDRAH" of Buffalo football just killed us. Yeah, this was probably the game with admittedly the fewest number of stupid things, just because we got trounced so badly. Guess there has to be some loss in here without too many stupid things happening. Except that, how many games in this series have Chiefs with their very fine team (and there have been a few) been able to trounce their opponent? Okay, keep the laughter to a small roar, please.
1992 Chargers. This year the Chiefs were second overall in the NFL in pass defense. Their QB still gets nearly 200 passing yards on us, no interceptions. Our run defense was decent, 15th overall, yet they scorch us for over 200 yards on the ground. Our offense was 7th overall in the NFL, pretty good, really -- annnnd we get zero points, three turnovers, two of them interceptions. Our vaunted Chiefs O-line? Allowed seven sacks.
The following week San Diego was blasted by Miami, 31-0. Talk about stupid.
1993 Steelers. Yes, one of the few we won, but it took a mad scramble at the end, a Joe Montana comeback with a 4th down touchdown pass just to send the game into overtime. Really, think about that, it took a Joe Montana to fiercely stare down The Curse for us to actually win a stinkin' playoff game!
And besides, here's one of the top stupid things of all. Do you know how many playoff games the Steelers have won since that game? Do you? Seventeen. They've won more playoff games since '93 than the Chiefs have even been in since '70.
1993 Oilers. Another playoff win, but the last of the meager three in the 43 years. This was actually a wonderful, wonderful game we won with toughness and splendor and all that. I admit it really was.
But why is this the one we've got to hang our hats on? One little fine playoff game yippy! And here's the actual veritable stupid thing about it -- the Oilers. Yeah, the team we played. Do you remember the '93 Oilers? Very talented, but they were quite famously an emotional train wreck of epic proportions. In the final game of the regular season defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan punched offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride on the sidelines, during the game. And this was just one of the issues this team had.
You could tell on the football field, especially in the second half, that the Oilers were just not playing like a fully prepared finely focused football team should be playing. All that stuff was going to bite them sometime, and there's no way someone like Joe Montana was not going to exploit it.
Ahh, how beautifully splendid it would be for the Chiefs to soundly defeat a fine, strong, well-prepared team in the playoffs... ::Ahhhhhhh...:: To wistfully dream...
1993 Bills. The only AFC championship game we've played in for the entirety of this time. The farthest we've ever gotten since the merger, just this one year. When Joe Montana went out with a concussion, that was the end. But before that we were very much in it, but the stupid thing here was very sure-handed Kimble Anders letting a pass at the endzone bounce right out of his hands and into the hands of a D-back to stop the most critical scoring chance we had.
1994 Dolphins. Joe Montana throws a pick on a quick slant at the Miami two-yard line. How often do Hall-of-Fame quarterbacks do that in a playoff game? Only if you're on the Chiefs. Marcus Allen allows a D-back to simply take the ball right out of his hands. How often do Hall-of-Fame running backs who never fumble have that to happen to them, in a playoff game no less? Only if... you know... Chiefs. Derrick Thomas commits a defensive holding call on a critical 3rd down when the Chiefs need the ball back. How often do Hall-of-Fame linebackers who never intercept the ball in their career commit that kind of penalty in a playoff game? How many times do all of these things happen all in the same playoff game to sabotage yet again your chances to win a stinkin' playoff game??? Only - if - you're - the - youknowtherest...
1995 Colts. Okay, here's your homework. Go look it up. How many times has the home team division winner lost a playoff game by three points and endured three missed field goals by their kicker? Go ahead, run your little sabermetric computer program thing and see what you come up with. How much you wanna bet it's this?
- Chiefs loss to Miami, 27-24, 1971 - kicker: Jan Stenarud.
- Chiefs loss to Indianapolis, 10-7, 1995 - kicker: Lin Elliot.
- No other team ever in all of pro football history.
That's stupid enough, but I still have to ask, do all of our coaching staffs just do so poorly every single time the Chiefs prepare for the teams they play? What was Marty Schottenheimer thinking? Sometimes I just want to ram Martyball right down his throat. When you're in the playoffs, dammit, you have to do some things to match up. Come on. Thing is, it has just happened all the time with any coach we had.
1996 (No one). Special note must be made here because we were 9-4 and needed one more win in the last three regular season games to ensure a playoff spot. Other special notes could be made of other years like this, such as '81 and '05, when in each of those years we were 8-4 and still missed the playoffs. Sure this happens to other teams often enough, but again, this is the Chiefs.
The '96 version was particularly excruciating because we had a chance to redeem ourselves against the Colts at home, again, with a better team, again, and still lost. Added to that was the terrifically stupid FG miss by Hall-of-Famer Morten Andersen on the last day of the regular season -- an 18-yard super-chipshot for Atlanta to beat Jacksonville -- that would've allowed the Chiefs to back into the playoffs.
1997 Broncos. This may just be the game with the most mindnumbingly stupid things of them all. To recount them all would just be criminal. The one that is the most pronounced to me is the made-FG by a very reliable kicker (finally!) Pete Stoyanovich, but then, the holding call. Give - me - a - break. An offensive hold on a field goal attempt. I believe that happens once every 57,000 millennia, I think. His next attempt, ::boink:: off the upright.
The referee of this game was Jerry Markbreit, and before the game I knew how much this guy regularly messed with the Chiefs in their games. I just knew it, but thought, no way can he mess with this game again, no way. It just can't happen again, it just can't. Well it did. Sure I could hold some bitterness, but I don't, really, because I know he's just a pawn in Odin's hands. And sheez, there are so many who are!
One final note of supreme stupidness. The Chiefs have to be the most dominant team in any given decade with the absolute least to show for it. They owned the 1990's -- but only in the regular season. Here's a monumentally stupid thing for you: Kansas City Chiefs overall in the decade: 102 regular season wins, diddly squat postseason anything. Dallas Cowboys overall that same decade: 101 regular season wins, but a dozen or so playoff wins and three Super Bowl titles. Eeeeee.
2003 Colts. Watching this game was just plain torturous. The final score was 38-31, but we were never in it. We were playing catch-up the entire game. Yes, our defense was weak, but we'd actually done a pretty decent job of stopping them until it was 3rd down. And they'd convert. And convert. And convert convert convert convert convert -- every single time. If I remember correctly there wasn't a single punt the entire game.
The one major stupid thing was watching Priest Holmes finally break into the open field, running deep into Colts territory, maybe even for the score, and then -- ::rip:: -- the Colts defender strips him, fumble, party over. Really, it was over for sure then.
One of the crazy things here was the following season watching Trent Green take The Curse of Johnny Unitas by the throat and strangle it, I mean he was blistering the Colts at quarterback, leading the Chiefs to an obliteration of their defense, putting up 45 on them. Thing is, of course, why didn't we do that in this game.
2006 Colts. Sure this is one of those games in which the Colts -- with a much more experienced and hungry Peyton Manning -- were just better than we were, I understand. But since when did that kind of thing stop the weaker teams we'd played against in the playoffs from beating us when we were better?
The goofy thing in this one was that we had a terrific running game with Larry Johnson, Trent Green was healthy, and here's the key thing, the Colts had an extraordinarily weak run defense. Ha! Naturally we get utterly, contemptibly stuffed at the line. We didn't get a 1st down until the middle of the 3rd quarter. Ironically our defense was playing like maniacs, amazingly keeping us in the game. I think Ty Law had two picks on Manning if I remember. It was great!
But, tremendous stupidness. We had one, good drive on offense in the whole thing, one -- we got eight points total to their 23. Umm. Stupidness alert. How come we couldn't get this defense and our '03 offense to play the way they did in the same game. What - is - with - that.
2010 Ravens. Just one more classic example of us getting pounded after going through that Kryptonite portal we always go through as we start the playoffs. The stupid things that happened are in this blog post, which includes much of the obvious exasperation we all have as Chiefs fans when enduring this stuff over and over and... uhh. I'm telling you.
How many more stupid things can you come up with? I'm sure you've got a few of your own. Still convinced there isn't a curse? I can't see how.
Some may say it has to do with the unfortunate officiating. Yeah, I'd say there is some of that. It's said it all evens out, and I really work hard to put that firmly in my psyche. It's not unreasonable, it isn't. But come on. How many times have the Chiefs been crushed by inexplicable ref calls? I just don't think it's evened out, and I certainly don't want to get any poor calls favoring us in the future so it can be said we've lucked out.
Some may say it has to do with the advantages the large-market media-darling teams have, which is in some ways connected to unfavorable ref calls. Yeah, I'd say that has to do with it too. I'm not so sold on any of it. Officiating, media favoritism, Chiefs just plain sucking -- sorry but it is a whole package.
It's all The Curse, whatever it is. It is the harrowing dread that just hangs over everything and anything Chiefs whenever they're in a playoff game. Have you felt it? It's that creepy vibe that just saturates everything Chiefs in the playoffs no matter how good they are, no matter how much they're enjoying home field advantage, no matter how ferociously hard they're playing on the field. It's as if they're all injected with some drug that makes everything go whacko against them.
You know all the charmed teams? You know them, the Colts are one of them, the Steelers too. The Giants and the Packers are classic examples. These are teams that just belch and they win. Really, think about it, how many times have you watched any of these teams play and watched them get the craziest, luckiest plays? They are perfectly capable of going into the playoffs off a meager 10-6 regular season run and then just play like they own the place. What makes it so mindbogglingly bewildering is, it is as if those things happen to the Chiefs, only in reverse. Splendidly amazingly gratifying things all - the - time for the charmed teams, but crushingly horrifically depressing things all - the - time for the Chiefs.
So let's get to it then, shall we? Let's look at this game with the Colts, this Saturday. Let's look at this team and see what the deal is. I'll say it right now.
We should win this game.
There is no reason we shouldn't win this game. Why? With no curse we're just better than the Colts. We are. In every facet of the game we have the edge. And if that's the case, then we should win, right? Things should go our way for once, right?
I mean, why can't Eric Berry just be better than Andrew Luck? This isn't just whistling in the dark, this is veritable. Berry is a fantastic safety, and even though Luck is pretty damn good, why for once can't our guy just play better than their guy in a playoff game?
Why can't our fine run defense with Pro-Bowler Dontari Poe, Tyson Jackson (who's shown he can play pretty good run defense), and super run-sacker Derrick Johnson do better than their running game, which is statistically not very good to begin with?
Why can't our running back, Jamaal Charles -- not just a Pro-Bowler but if it weren't for Peyton Manning would be winning the NFL MVP award this year -- why can't he just go off on an average Colts defense?
Why can't our fine offensive line simply win the battle in the trenches against a defensive line that just isn't all that? Yes, they have Robert Mathis, but so? When is it when we'll just be better when it is not unreasonable to see that very plainly?
Why can't our exceptional pass rushers be better than their O-line? We've got Pro-Bowlers Justin Houston and Tamba Hali in there, why can't they just refuse to suddenly be milquetoast on Saturday?
Why can't our fine special teams make a difference in this game? Dustin Colquitt and the punt coverage team pins opponents back inside the 10 all year long, why can't he just do it regularly on Saturday? What about our terrific return teams, especially with Pro-Bowler Dexter McCluster getting us great field position? (Did you know the Chiefs are number one in the NFL in starting field position?) Why can't that just be something so overwhelming the other team can't overcome it?
Why can't our fine, resourceful, smart, versatile, athletic quarterback do better than their average D-backfield?
Why can't our terrific, experienced, wise, inventive, inspiring coach just get our team to play splendidly to our strengths and exploit their weaknesses with reckless abandon, for once?
Why can't our team have a playoff game where everything comes together, where we really match up well again their guys, and we play like we mean it?
It's simple.
There's some curse thing goin' on here.
Yes, we do have some deficiencies. Our kicker has suddenly been possessed by the spirit of Lin Elliot -- this scares me to death. I thought we had little depth at the D-line, but after watching our second stringers play great against the Chargers on Sunday I think we may not be so thin there. Our wide receiver situation is also troubling, but again, reserve ends A.J. Jenkins and Junior Hemingway played great on Sunday. And our corners are soft, but then, what's with Brandon Flowers -- he's a corner and he's, yes, a Pro-Bowler.
Damn, this Chiefs team has EIGHT PRO-BOWLERS! There is no reason in the world we should not be winning this game convincingly.
Except for...
In fact, let me just put it as plainly as possible. Here's what will happen.
No curse: Final score 34-10 Chiefs.
Curse: Final score 15-14 Colts.
That's it right there. You just watch. That's really what it comes down to.
Recently the NFL Network had a "Top 10" show about curses in the NFL. Sure enough the Bobby Layne curse was No. 1. I didn't catch what the other curses were, but I can't see how one of them was not some curse related to the Chiefs.
Anyway, the episode closed with some voodoo lady saying something I've heard before. She said, "If you think there's a curse then there'll be one." Um, excuse me, but I really want my Chiefs to win. My thinking there's a curse or no curse has nothing to do with it. If things happen a way, they happen, natural or supernatural. I think the NFL as well as most materialistically minded folk shy away from this kind of stuff, however. They usually repeat these "Top 10" shows all the time, but I haven't seen the "Top 10 Curses" aired since it was on a number of weeks ago.
All you have to do is look at the Chiefs and easily see the verity of The Curse, and they can't handle that.
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Courtesy Los Angeles Times
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The damn thing can't last forever.
Maybe this time we'll get the blessings of a good mean Trent Green-like stare-down.
We'll see what happens Saturday!
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