In the next scene four police officers are using a homemade Ouija board, wine glass and cards with letters on them placed around the edge of a small table, and as the glass moves it spells out "Up yours." It is very funny actually.
Now here's the thing about this particular episode, which was, predictably, the 13th episode.
It was broadcast on January 11, 1970. Do you know what is significant about that date?
It was the same exact day that Super Bowl IV was played, featuring of all teams, the Minnesota Vikings.
It was also the only time the Chiefs were ever victorious in a Super Bowl.
From that date to the time the playoffs begin next year is a vast, desolate span of 44 years, 11 months, and 23 days. In that time the Chiefs have played in 16 total playoff games, 4th worst in the NFL -- of teams around since the merger only Detroit (11), Arizona (12), and Cleveland (15) have fewer. During this same time period the Chiefs have had a playoff appearances to one-and-outs ratio of 13 to 11, that is, two years ('91 and '93) when the Chiefs have actually won at least one game in the playoffs, and 11 when they've been in but haven't. That's a percentage of .154 years of winning playoff runs to years without. Only Detroit is worse at .100, and it seems to me the Lions already have a pretty well-verified curse themselves. In fact only four teams since the merger even have ten or more one-and-outs: Miami (10), Kansas City (11), Minnesota (12), and Indianapolis (13). The difference is those other three teams have twenty or more playoff appearances. And just to add one more thought on the Chiefs one-and-out hell, in seven playoff appearances from 2000 to 2008, Andy Reid, then of course with the Eagles, made the playoffs seven times, and had zero one-and-outs (with a total of ten playoff victories in that time span).
My last post was about the viscerally agonizing resignation of The Hell of Chiefs Playoff Anything. Quite understandable for anyone who's endured that Hell for so long. But while the scars will always be quite pronounced, after a while the pain does wear off. This post is a bit different. For those who simply want to look a bit more reasonably at things, this post is one that is about something that is somewhat similar but at the same time light years apart in nature --
Acceptance.
Please don't get me wrong. I believe The Curse is a veritable reality, and for those who dismiss it as superstition bunk, I dismiss them as clueless boobs. They just aren't looking close enough. The thrust about this post is getting at a more sublime approach to the thing, at finding something in it all that reflects its core meaning. Not pusillanimously embracing it with some insipid faux-affinity in a feeble attempt to deny its brutality, but rather wisely and graciously coming to terms with it.
Make no mistake. This game was the ugliest, cruelest, grisliest bitch of them all. I know that is hard to do. How can anything be worse than the 1971 Christmas day game? The 1997 Broncos and their Vaseline-covered jerseys game? The 2003 Colts torment, or any Colts torment? I mean there are so many to choose from! How in a world, where there must be some miniscule drops of humanity in the veins of a raging Odin, could it get worse than what we've had to endure so far?
I really don't think any Chiefs fan could refuse to confidently say this one was the absolute worst of them all.
This was just like all the nightmares, really, each and every one of them through the years harrowing nightmares no one would wish on their worst enemy. What makes them so incredibly wrenching is that they feature just the right combination of things to make them such. Any one of these things not happening and we've got a win. You'd think, a Chiefs playoff win. Ahhh...
Here are just some of them from this game that provide ample proof. These are just the ones I know about. I can't even imagine the handful of others in the mix you may know about. (Yeah, I know, in case you were wondering, I'm in a bit better state emotionally today, a bit easier to go deep into the Hell without cracking. Thanks for your concern. I'll, I'll be okay, thanks.)
- How did we get so pounded with injuries in such a short period of time? In fact, what's the deal with this -- how many playoff teams have had their No. 1 key player go down with a concussion directly resulting in a catastrophic drop in play because of their absence? In '93 it was Joe Montana, and Saturday it was Jamaal Charles. Yes we continued to play great without him, but he still wasn't there to help us run clock when we needed it in the end. What?
- How come after the Charles injury, it just wasn't enough of a drop required to fully pulverize us? There were, what, five other injuries that really did us in, some of them also scary concussions. One wasn't enough, there needed to be more? Even beyond this, regarding just life and quality of life, what about the impact on these guys' personal lives irrespective of anything football or winning or Chiefs? Whaaat?
- How could an offensive line that was playing so phenomenally well throughout the game suddenly play so poorly that they couldn't protect Alex Smith at the most crucial times he needed it (sack and fumble, intentional grounding penalty -- those were especially costly), much less just get our running game untracked to run clock late -- even if it is with Cyrus Gray? Whaaaaaat?
- How could Smith miss a wide open Gray streaking for a certain game-clinching touchdown when his passing was so extraordinarily pinpoint for the entire game? I've heard it'd have been different if it'd been a quicker Jamaal Charles out there, but come on. Wide open? Gray is that much slower? Whaaaaaaaaat?
- How come one of the most proficient sideline receivers ever in NFL history could not get both his feet in bounds for the key catch that would've set up the game-winning field goal? Of course their defensive player can barely stay in bounds when wildly scrambling after Smith's fumble, but our receiver can't on a play carefully designed with the use of our last timeout against their least talented cover men. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
- Where in the world was our vaunted pass rush, missing again against Indianapolis for a second time in three weeks? Where was Eric Berry or any surprise pressure on the quarterback? Where was all the defensive depth that was so splendidly showcased in San Diego just the week before? And if we were so tired, what happened to their defense that got them to be so beast against us? Why weren't they tired? We didn't have all three-and-outs in the 2nd half, and their offense had quick drives that lasted about two minutes. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
- How can eleven lean quick 200+ pound dudes all at the same time have the most massive brain fart on in the history of planet earth right when the opponent's guy fumbles at the line of scrimmage two yards away from your own end zone? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
- How come even without Brandon Flowers in there, our D-backs so loosely let their receivers get so wide open over and over and over and over and over again, while the very few times we just needed to just get just a couple of key 1st downs their D-backs suddenly became an entire race of Supermen? What 4.29 x 10 to the 53rd power?
- How many times have the Chiefs given up 35 points in a half, at any time in their history? How many times does any team give up 35 points in a half in the any postseason game? How many times has it happened when a team is ahead by 28 points get only six more but give up 35, just enough to lose the game by one point? Remember for the first nine games of this season we gave up no more than 17 points in each game. Sure we ourselves uncharacteristically put up a 31-spot in the first half, but since when does that mean they have to better it in the second, in that one particular half? And all of this in the one game when our kicker was actually making all of his field goals?!
What? INFINITY
Joe Posnanski is a great sportswriter who's been intimate with Kansas City sports stuff for quite some time, added his take. I'll share it with you, it's here. It's really nothing different than all the stuff we already know. It's good for commiseration, yet again, good for therapy -- all of this is. And you know, this link was on NBC's news site, not its sports page site, but its news site, right there on the home page. I never look at the sports stuff anywhere, in the newspaper, on the web, unless it crosses my eyes by accident or I'm looking for something historical or factual to help with my takes.
I'm with Posnanski about how gruesome it all is, but I don't blame anyone, really. How Andy Reid may have misused timeouts or mismanaged the end of the game, ehh. Sorry but he's being played by The Curse. Sure he's shown he's not the best two-minute game manager, but in some respects none of that was really in play here. And if Reid's weakness in this particular area was a factor, how come it was so amplified? For the very same reason all the Chiefs weaknesses are amplified beyond belief in playoff games. Why? Yepp, you got it.
I mean, don't the teams we play have any weaknesses? They do, but you'd never know it in any of the playoff games we play. It's like magic: Their strengths suddenly become quadrupled, while our strengths just somehow evaporate. When trying to exploit their weaknesses no matter how bold and incisive and courageous we are, something tremendously stupid happens to bail them out.
None of this is lost on any Chiefs fan who's refused to avert his or her eyes.
So then, let's get right to it. After the agony, after the exasperated resignation, what's with this thing acceptance? What's with that?
For one, that Monty Python thing? Just a coincidence. But it is, indeed, a very creepy coincidence. Those guys using the Ouija board and hearing "Up yours." Wow. Who's been hammering the Chiefs with "Up yours" for those 44 years now? And what's with the Viking sitting there, for no apparent reason, next to the police officer who's putting pins in the doll? The morticians, the old dead guy -- that's a picture of The Hell of Chiefs Playoff Anything right there. Yes, just an odd, mildly intriguing coincidence, but still, crazy...
Also note that I am not in any way one who thinks God picks the team with the most moral rectitude and somehow favors them, adjusting outcomes accordingly. Who will win a football game between a team of the most wretchedly evil 220-pound prison gang members and a team of the most righteously pious ten year-old choir girls?
With that in mind I am, however, convinced that somewhere, somehow, someone with a great deal of hatred against Kansas City, against the Chiefs, against Arrowhead Stadium, against something related to our Chiefs has got something going that's just plain flat-out obliterating us. Whether or not it is deserved -- One of H.L. Hunt's distraught wives? Some investor really upset with the silver buying fiasco? The most decorated witch doctor on the planet who happens to be a Vikings fan? -- I mean, I just don't know. I am certain it is much more sinister and obscure than we may ever know. The one thing that is for sure is that there is such a heavy atmosphere of defeat hanging over every Chiefs playoff effort you just cannot miss it. Think about Saturday's game, just think about it. I mean -- daaaamnn.
Yeah, I do spend far too much time trying to figure it out. How, where, why, when, how -- What is the deal with what is happening to our team?... Yes, I do know that we should just simply be playing better football than the other team until the clock says 0:00. To attribute all of this to supernatural forces does kind of take away from what winning football games is all about. We want to hail a team that did the job and won the game and deserved the accolades and earned the rewards and yaaay us! I fully understand that. Furthermore bad things do happen to every team, all the time, really, let's face it, every year 11 of 12 playoff teams go home, often very miserably. I got that.
But the Chiefs. And their playoffs -- there's just something very different. I still can't help but think...
Sure our past failures could certainly relate to Lamar Hunt's inadequacies as an manager (not to say he was terrible at it or he wasn't fully devoted to his team, by any means) or to the nasty things that have happened to the Chiefs organization through the years, from simple administrative ineptitudes to the awful rash of tragic deaths that have plagued the Kansas City Chiefs through the years (including I believe Lamar Hunt himself, dying at 74 -- yeah a bit old, but still too early). I don't think those things in whatever measure are not critical factors in all of this. But I can't deny that these are simply part of the evidences of this curse thing. I just can't.
Oh but Dave, isn't this just a game, really just a modest form of entertainment? Yes, I know that. But that is in many ways beside the point. The Chiefs are a healthy catalyzing force for those of us who enjoy rallying behind fine individuals working industriously together as a team to accomplish something great in the field of athletics in order to provide a deep sense of civic pride and a vibrant forum for community identification. The Chiefs are about belonging, believing, connecting, crusading, interacting, just wanting the very best for those with whom you've made some meaningful relationship -- all good wonderful things, very normal things people must do to fulfill their social needs. This is the way it is for every team and their fans.
Oh my, Dave, please, aren't there other things far more important? Yes, I know that too. I'd say pretty much every person has some sense of taking care of family, doing their jobs well, being kind and gracious to others, giving some of the fruit of their labor to help the less fortunate, even acknowledging what happens to a child with cancer is extremely important. Yes. But these things don't obviate the healthy gratification people get from cheering on their team. There is a place for this and it isn't insignificant.
One of those factors has to do with the profound purpose of professional sports team athletics: It provides a way for people to be richly in the mix of great accomplishment. Often those things we consider far more important -- doing our jobs, caring for others, all that -- are in many ways quite nebulous, undefined, difficult to process. Sports makes it easy: We can see the results of hard work and teamwork quite plainly, clearly, intensely. This makes it so enthralling, as well as addicting -- something I've attested to in my own life, I confess.
And I confess, in light of all this, I couldn't stop feeling it after Saturday. Not again, not again not again not again -- I couldn't help it.
This was until a number of things started to happen to get me to much more of a place of acceptance.
I have to tell you, if you don't know already, that I'm a follower of Christ. He does inform everything I think and believe, and yes, feel. Yes, feelings are often horrifically painful (anyone for reliving Saturday?) But in my devotional moments soon afterwards I came across some Scripture that told me that in Christ I have all things. To wallow in the thought that I am somehow deficient spiritually is to deny what Christ has done for us and given us. Sure I can be emotionally shredded by Chiefs playoff madness, but then God said that's what happens -- life happens.
I've had to get back, get deep into the first part of the letter to the Ephesians, with words that assure me about all the extraordinary things God has given us. I'm always praying now as King David did, that in light of all this He'd "show us His goodness in the land of the living."
Finally, He asks me to "consider it a joy" whenever we face trials. That's a key one. That's one that seemed to shout at me from the things I'd been seeing around me, almost as if God was speaking quite firmly to me. This got me to think that whatever The Curse is, God is allowing it. I mean, really, if we presume with great reasonableness that God has everything in His hands, then, ahem, The Curse is as well. No, He didn't start it, make it, have it -- none of that. But He certainly lets it go.
And He does so to make it a blessing.
I know that sounds insane, I'm good with that. You can think that, that's cool, I understand. But I firmly believe that what happened, what has happened with the Kansas City Chiefs for years and years and years and years is ultimately designed to be a good thing somehow someway somewhere.
In a sense, we are blessed to be Chiefs fans because God will do something great out of anything that happens to them, even if it is a "momentary light affliction."
This is why after a hideous debacle that should make anyone turn away from the Chiefs, I will still cheer them on as enthusiastically as ever. This is why they could have 57 more such gruesome affairs and I'll know. I'll know that somehow, someway, God is turning it into something profoundly meaningful for His Kingdom.
That's the acceptance.
And the Chiefs team itself?
Still smarting from the sting of Saturday, something happened in my soul today, I can't explain it, but suddenly I just felt a lot better about our team. I thought about something I saw or heard a Chiefs player, coach, I'm not sure but I think it was Andy Reid, something he said. Just that he and the team are committed to excellence no matter what, that they'll move forward with eager dedication to be the very best.
I know every team can say that, and they always do, but there was just something about it this time. Combined with the thought that all this may just be part of making them not only better players but stronger men, it really engendered something good deep inside my heart, right smack in the middle of the still swirling pain.
Yes, I find myself still always praying, "May I consider it a joy..." "May we see the good..." "May I rejoice in being included with Christ..." I've also already been blessed by some pretty awesome talking-it-all-out with fellow Chiefs fans, that's pretty invaluable too. We've got to do that. It's not just about the Chiefs but about rich fellowship with one another. That's a very great thing. This is not even to mention the astounding blessings that will come, for whoever, may not even be me. Some I will never even really know about but are very real just the same.
This is the essence of the acceptance factor.
The Curse doesn't even know what it's in for.
If you read the passage in James' letter, by the way, about considering it joy when you encounter trials, the results are two pretty damn great things, endurance and wisdom.
God is answering. He is giving, providing, sowing, speaking. He always does, no matter what. No matter what insanity happens. There'll always be a dawn, yes...
No matter how many one-and-outs there are, for whatever reason.
For whatever awesome blessing that is.
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